Untitled Random Story
by Shiva-J
Summary: None of the chapters relate to each other. In fact they barely relate to reality, common sense, story structure, and the whole thing resembles a bad acid trip. (I wrote these five last year)
1. Untitled Random Story 1

**Untitled Random Story #1**

Daria sat in front of her laptop and took another drink, she had developed a taste for vodka during her time at Vance due to all the keggers she had gone to with Mack out of boredom (at first) and then alter an excuse to drink and not be judged for it.

Granted she had learned to bring her own booze to get tanked, since beer did nothing for her except a brief buzz followed by a headache.

Then one night her roommate Tania had found her slumped in front of the computer, awake but struggling to come up with a good story for her creative writing class and gave her a glass of booze, laced with acid.

It was like the world had become this beautiful creative place in which tentacles grew out of the furniture to sooth and nurture her while the pink elephants plotted an invasion of earth and God grew out of a hot dog to guide her to the magical place where the monsters couldn't get to her since her safety-safe was a nice blanket that Tania had given her before sprouting beautiful angel wings that contained beautiful eyeballs that glowed like sapphires lite up by candle flames.

Daria held up her now empty glass and shrugged before dipping into the drawer to her left in that neat desk that her sister had gotten her before going off to her last year in LawnHELL High.

It was her own personal medicine chest, full of the good stuff she had discovered during her time at Vance, basically it was enough to kill Elvis.

Daria grabbed handfuls of whatever and sucked it down, it was time to go exploring.

The phone rang, and rang, and rang.

She answered it.

"Oh hey Mack!" Daria chirped as snakes and snack cakes bloomed out of the speaker of the phone, "Yeah I could use some rough sex, come on up! Oh and bring the S&M stuff cus I've been nauuuuggghhhtttyyyy!"

"...You started the party without me?!" Mack complained.

"Just come on up!" Daria chirped before stuffing more random pills into her mouth, "up, come up! Up come!"

the phone vanished at some point, but it didn't matter since a green unicorn appeared, but was invisible but visible and it neighed and kicked His Holy Hooves and asked if she was ready to seek out the meaning of being in a proto-planet once explored by James St. James during his addiction to ketamine, then he became all boring and wrote that book about his friend that killed that drug dealer and stuff.

Daria slurred her answer in a language that transcended the nine languages of the Unicorn.

The creature smiled and it's horn split into seven different pieces and a hung lingam erupted in it's place and then fell off it's forehead and transformed into a tree that had fishes for leaves that swayed like waves on a shore covered in used needles and broken beer bottles.

Daria did a headbob and hoped that Tania would come with her and Mack, because the unicorn looovvveeed hhheeerrr...

Something went all thud-thud-thuddy, stars bloomed like pretty flowers, pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty flowers! Flower power! power to the flour!

Daria felt a superman cape erupted out of the scars on her back where her parents had those wing-like growths removed like that fake-vampire lady that showed up on all those goffic shows, and then Daria began to fly.

Then she saw Mack from a thousand feet below and waved, she saw his smile and was glad that he was coming up to join her.

"And he brought the nipple clamps!" Daria cheered and got ready to fly, fly, fly with her man!

Going to Vance was the best decision that she had ever made! Well except for that orgy with Jane, DeMartino, Todd Ianuzzi, Earl, Elsie Sloane, and Tom Sloane. But that was a graduation present to her, from her and to the fans reading this right now.

Yes, she knows that this is just a story, a random story put together by some loser with nothing better to do on a Monday night.

And she knows that you are the same, since you just read it.

(fade to the lalalaLAlala...)

(drum beats)

(silence)

**FIN!**


	2. Untitled Random Story 2

**Untitled Random Story #2**

(No seriously, what the fucking mother hell did I just write?!)

As Daria exhaled cigarette smoke in the shape of rings, Jane was at her side on the couch with a how-to book on the manufacture of crystal meth.

Daria had asked if she had gotten the idea from that one TV show that should have ended with the dude dying rather than dragging the damn thing out for more ratings, and Jane fessed up a yes.

"Hey, if I can make some easy scratch without turnin' too hookin' then hey! Why not?"

Daria shrugged, since hey, whatever worked right? The only people being hurt were the ones doing the damn drug after all.

So as they relaxed on the couch in the Lane's living room with that busted TV serving as a tray for their drinks and pizza, Trent stumbled down the stairs and got Daria all hot and bothered since stoner-losers like him always turned her crank.

And right that second Trent was givin off loser vibes like crazy due to all the pot he had just smoked.

"Hey Janie," Trent slurred as he walked closer to them, "Have you seen my guitar?"

Jane responded with, "Yeah, I sold it for this how-to book on making meth."

Trent laugh-coughed, "Good one Jane, even I know that NO ONE would buy that piece of crap Fender if you gave it away."

"Good one." Daria said with that cute blush she always got when she was around Trent.

Trent gave her a smile and then said something shocking, "Say Daria, you've had the hots for me for a while and I'm horny as hell, wanna fuck?"

As Daria turned beet red and nodded, Jane gave her an evil grin and mouthed, "Finally!"

Trent offered her his hand and Daria took it and the two of them bounded off, in that Daria helped Trent get his stoned ass up the stairs to the nearest room with a semi-functional bed.

Alone in the room with her meth making book, Jane briefly wondered if Trent remembered that he didn't have any condoms, and if Daria recalled not being on the pill but shrugged.

"It'll help bring her in the family." Jane said to herself before getting up off of the couch to head to the kitchen to see if she had any drain cleaner to help build her meth empire.

Sex sounds in mono began to fill the house.

But during those sexy sounds Jane found a surprise waiting for her in the kitchen.

"Mom?!"

"Oh hey Jane," Amanda Lane said without taking her head out of the fridge, "My trip to China to make models of US monuments out of bamboo didn't pan out, so I came back to see if we still had those lovely donuts that I always liked."

"No clue," Jane replied, "But you wanna help me turn the basement into a meth lab?"

"Sure," Amanda answered, still with her head in the fridge, "You can use my kiln, but do you know if we have those donuts?"

Jane replied, "No clue, you could ask Trent, once he's done getting my best friend knocked up, she could certainty use some Lane family membership cus her family is only good for money and food."

Amanda pulled herself out of the fridge slowly, her face twisted in horror, "Did you say Trent is trying to knock up a girl?!"

Jane shrugged, "I don't think it's trying per se, but he has no rubbers and she's got no BC, so that'll probably equal a ba-be!"

"Oh no... no, no, no, no, no!" Amanda began saying over and over again, her face twisted in the kind of terror that normally only came about when the Elder Gods descended from the sky to wipe out the race of man.

"What?"

"He's fulfilling the Prophecy much to early!" Amanda screamed and began to rush out of the room with a speed that defied anything that Jane could recall about her mother.

But just as she reached the kitchen doorway there were the loud sounds of two people reaching mutual climax and then... nothing.

"I'm too late..." Amanda said despondently for a moment before she took a gun out of a secret holster in her hippie garb and put the barrel in her mouth and pulled the trigger.

...

"Dammit!" Jane yelled at the corpse, "You got blood and gore all over me! AND I DIDN'T HAVE A DAMN CAMERA!"

Meanwhile in Wind's old room, Trent and Daria were sleeping in each other sweaty arms, unaware that tentacles were growing out of their mouths, forming a cocoon around them both, to better guard the new life growing inside Daria's belly, a life that would require it's parents to have lots of sex to give it energy to keep growing.

And the best way to do that would involve placing them in a state between life and death, with only the awareness of mutual pleasure to guide them as they fed it more and more power with every thrust.

Until it opened up it's mother's belly and crawled out and ate them both and began to destroy the world.

For it was the Destroyer of Creation, the glorious and eternal thing with many names and none, worshiped and feared and revered and all-powerful.

Weep ye puny mortals and despair!

Despair I say!


	3. Untitled Random Story 3

**Untitled Random Story #3**

Into the fire she swallowed their hate.

Billowing flames bloom across the wicker man.

A voice screams out for mercy from a monotheistic god, but the Wicker Man won't let that prayer be answered.

Into the fire she swallowed their hate.

Amanda stared as the butterflies swirled around her in a pretty patter pattern patter pattern.

Oh my fucking GOD would you get off the damn phone!

No, I think it's the iPod, playing the same song over and over and over again until we all snap and accept the Yellow Stag as our personal Lord and Penis.

Or is it a vagina boob?

Amanda decided to ask the nice dormouse nearby.

"Hello Mr. Dormouse? Might I have a moment of your time!"

The dormouse looked at her with a funny face and said, "Amanda honey, I think you took to much acid again."

"Why do you sound like my husband?"

The dormouse replied, "Because I am, oh and I'm thinking about getting us in a three way with that nice poolboy who sold me some good weed earlier."

Amanda smiled at the funny mouse, "Sure, but do you have those donuts that the Russian girl gave me?"

"You mean Tania? No, we ate them, remember?"

"Oh poop!"

"Oh yeaaaaahhhh... You know daddy likes poop!"

"Who's that?" Amanda asked with a scratch of her head, because she was pretty sure that giant shoes that appear out of nothingness weren't supposed to talk like Mexican pool boys with a thick accent.

"I'm Enrico," the shoes informed her, "I'm the pool boy."

"Cool." Amanda informed the shoes even as the dormouse began to help her into a magic talking chair, she felt all tingly and funny and it was so nice that the shoes and the dormouse were helping her get acquainted with the magic chair.

"Oh, hey Enrico." the chair said to the shoes with a Russian accent.

"Hey, Tania! Glad you could make it." the shoes told the chair even as the dormouse began to kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss.

"I really need some more donuts." Amanda said to the pixies that were buzzing high above her head, lighting up the room even as she started to feel _reaaalllyyy goooooddddd_.

Once the chair and the shoes were all nice and together Amanda was certain she should start walking home in her riverboat of gumdrops.

She was pretty sure that there were donuts to be had, or a Hackensack.

...8.3.111341.3...24.1..13.4...4.5.7..fn

_aaahhhhhhhhhh..._

bouncy touncy wouncy

...jazz hands!


	4. Untitled Random Story 4

**Untitled Random Story #4**

"I'm sooooo hiiigggghhhh!" Daria droaned and groaned as she moaned and sloaned all over Tom Sloane.

Tom laughed during all of this, those ecstasy pills were making everything just feel _aaawwweeessssooommmmeee..._

Nearby Jane was chanting, "Double dutch, double dutch, double dutch, dutch double, double dutch, double!"

Over and over again.

Then she grabbed another frog from it's cage and made scary noises in front of it, then she licked it.

The door to their little den opened with a bang.

A snarky dull laugh filled it.

"Oh master Thomas," Elsie Sloane drawled, "What would Mother and Father say if they saw you in such dire straights?"

"Suuuttt uppp youuuu rich!" Tom Sloane slurred, and then Daria began unzipping his pants.

Elsie just sighed and spotted an unopened bag of coke and shrugged, "Fuck it, I need a fix."

So she joined the party.

An hour later Trent came by to pick Janie up.

And then he got a whiff of pot.

"Uh... I need to get high, don't I?" He asked the intoxicated group.

He took their strangely sexual noises as an affirmative and lit up.

Then he took some of the pills in the candy dish, he wasn't sure what they were but it looked like the fun thing to do.

If the others had been more sober, they could have told him that the dish was the random assortment pile, a fun collection of uppers and downers that would take one Trent Lane on a borderline heart attack trip through the semi-psychedelic.

It was aided along the way by the ketamine that he found in a little vial and snorted it, mistaking it for coke.

There wasn't anymore coke, Elsie had snorted it all.

"wooooooowwwww" Trent drawled with drool coming down his face.

"woooooo!"

"oooooooooooooo"

"moooooo!" Tom snorted like a cow-like creature from the crab nebula.

But the cow-like creature had antlers and antennae and eyeballs on all the tips, and since it had like twelve legs and had converted to Sunni Islam it really wasn't very cow-like, wasn't it?

But to appease the cow-like Sunni Muslim, Tom took a crap in his underwear.

Daria took a hearty sniff.

"Take em'off!" She ordered.

Tom complied.

Crap fell into a pile in the middle of the room.

Then Daria saw lots and lots of little mushrooms bloom from the pile.

"Hooray!" She cheered, "Smurfs will totally move in here now!"

"Cool!" Jane cheered with a puddin' face grin, since she was trying to get Elsie to do 'naughty' things with her lady parts.

But Elsie was eyehumping her brother, and Trent was wondering if he could get those two hot chick's he couldn't recognize into a little three-way action.

After all he needed to breed a new race of blue humans that wouldn't have any prejudices so that the cow-like race could come to earth and establish a chain of old folks homes in which no one would ever suffer, and in them they would be nice and young forever and ever until the stars fell and became old lady stars that needed some pills and junks.

"Piilllllsss!" Tom groaned and went for the nearest pile of something that he saw.

Which just happened to be his own poop, saturated with a pharmacy's worth of intoxicants.

"No!" Daria screamed as he scooped up the poop, "You're killing the Smurfs!"

"Snorks?" Elsie asked as she continued to run round and round the room, looking for someone that could give her a cup of sugar.

"Dorks?" Tom asked, crap in hand, clearly wanting to eat it.

Daria tried to slap his hand, she hit air.

Tom looked at her.

Tom looked at the poop.

Tom looked at her again.

"You want happy time?" He asked, offering her some of his poop.

Daria looked at him.

Daria looked at the poop.

Daria looked at him again.

Then a shotgun protruded from her belly button and she said, "Do I _look_ that fucking high to you?!"

Tom looked at the bellybutton shotgun.

Tom looked at Daria.

Tom looked at the bellybutton shotgun.

"Yes?"

Daria took some of the poop.

Tom kept the rest.

Then, as one, they flung it at the wall.

"SMURFS!" Daria and Tom cried.

"SNORKS!" Jane yelled back, even as Trent put an arm around her, asking if she and her friend wanted to make a new race of blue people for cows to eat crabs that aren't at Joes Crab Shack, cus the crabs weren't there so it was just Joes Shack.

Jane laughed.

And then that dude that was clearly not her brother kissed her.

Then Elsie plopped herself onto their laps, causing them to both go "Uppmhfht!"

"Got room for one more? Don'tcha? Don'tcha wish it was... something... What?"

Trent and Jane just shrugged and while Trent began kissing this random girl, Jane went for more 'magic stuff' on the coffee table.

She found a half empty bottle of vodka and some unknown pills and some acid.

She shaired the bounty with them all.

And then the snakes appeared with snacks that contained the sugars of the world on their tippy-toes and the elvis one appeared with the jesus fish so they cold swim in a sea of kisses cus they all felt really good since for some reason their bodies were having sex.

Even as Tom crapped again and Daria threw it at the wall.

He laughed.

She laughed.

And the Smurfs laughed.

And told them to go outside covered in crap with tinfoil on their heads.

So the CIA wouldn't get them.

And so they did.

But for some reason the cops didn't like that one bit.

But who cares?

The smurfs were right, they were always right.

The cops weren't really real, they were just real and could be ignored.

Ya know?

But for some reason the street vanished and Tom and Daria were put on those funny white beds and people in white coats that turned into monsters were touching their stomachs and everything turned all white and black and not aware of the truth behind the veil that is hidden by the Iron Men in the Purple Fedoras that serve Lord Peku in his icy lair on Planet Nine from Inner Space Part 781.

Until the next time!

(when Tom's supplier comes back from his Caribbean vacation!)

(fade to the lalalaLAlala...)

(drum beats)

(silence)

**FIN!**


	5. Untitled Random Story 5

**Untitled Random Story #5**

The whale was flying in the sky before it splashed down back into the blue skies with their fluffy white clouds but it needed the sweet, sweet water that contained the air that it breathed.

Glory be to the Whale!

And as it gained it's glory a little redheaded girl in a flowery summer dress danced and singed in the meadow and wished, oh she wished that the whale would let her pet him.

However the yesterday sped back into twilight and the little pixies danced and played, inviting the little girl into their flower houses.

But the little girl shook her head and said, "Oh, no! I'm much too big, and I'll crush your little flower houses into little flower ruins!"

"Oh little Quinn!" the pixies sang, "We can make you small so you can play, play with us!"

But just as she started to think about it, there was a pain in her brain.

"Ouch!" she screamed, "Thinking hurts!"

The pixies cackled, oh how they cackled, "That's because you don't use that noggin of yours!"

Before the little girl named Quinn could respond to this, in another part of meta-reality a girl named Daria cracked a full-blown smile, defying the laws of physics even further than before...

There was a noise, distant at first but grew into a symphony so loud that it was audible in outer space, a massive tear became visible in the sky, the flying whale moaned in horror along with all life on earth.

And then...

Nothing.


End file.
